Quit Telling Women How to Act Towards Men

This article is getting passed around Facebook and pissing me off. It's just one of MANY  ignorant opinion pieces that are floating around out there, bouncing off the inter webs and being shared to the masses. I decided to address this particular article because it's subtleties are super damaging and far spread in the culture I grew up in. I am going to help this Katelyn Carmen person out and rewrite her post for her.

5 Things You Might Subconsciously Believe or Be Taught As a Women In A Patriarchal Society That Are BS: You might be surprised to figure out that you actually subscribe to some super sexist drivel!

If people want to be together so much that they get married then they are making a commitment to take care of each other and understand each other. A part of the well being of your family is effected by your choices and actions regardless of your gender. 

Women, you live in a patriarchal society and have systemically been thought of as less than. Don't let people tell you that as a women you have to do this or that, or that there is a certain and right way to "be a lady."

Here are just a few ways that you might unknowingly be sexist and destroying female advancement.

1. If an old lady says to you that "the best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband's means" she is automatically making the judgment that your husband is the bread winner and you know nothing about finances, which is a very antiquated view, thus coming from an antiquated human. 

If you don't show respect to anyone that may be giving you financial assistance, you are a jerk.

In our society we like to portray women as constantly being consumers, probably because a good deal of consumer goods are marketed towards women. In the year 2014 men are no longer expected to be the breadwinners, and wives are not to be portrayed as someone who stays home and goes hog wild because she doesn't understand finances and budgets.

Girls love purses! Just kidding, that is also a sexist stereotype. Thinking that the way to honor someone is to deny yourself what you need, and living by a budget determined only by a man is a slippery slope, systemically bringing women in to a submissive role. Both partners in a marriage relationship need a firm grasp of the realities of their income. If one partner is hogging the money by buying items that you, as a couple, cannot afford OR has complete control of the finances, abuse of power may be happening. If one partner makes significantly less than the other it doesn't mean that that person no longer has a say in household spending. Also, if both partners are working but the wife makes significantly less than the husband, maybe we should address the wage gap. 

2. Women are constantly stereotyped as loud mouth complainers. Women who challenge men are often thought of a bossy or bitchy. These labels are rarely given to men. Uneven judgement has historically been placed between the sexes when they speak up or stand up for themselves. Women have been encouraged to stay quiet, to stay within societal bounds and not overstep the current power status quo. 

Can you imagine implying that women somehow are innately huge complainers, and the poor men in their lives just have to deal with nagging wives all the time? No, because that's super sexist, and dumb. 

If your partner is legitimately angry about something, you should listen to them and try to understand their point of view no matter what gender you are. On the other hand, being petty is not cool no matter what gender you are.

3. If your husband feels threatened by you having talents or other people in your life he has a jealousy issue and he needs to change.

No one in your life should expect your life to revolve around theirs. 

It's counter-intuitive and counterproductive to make someone feel like they have to give up the things they love in order to be in a relationship. Partners should encourage each other to develop talents and achieve goals. 

If you are married, then your spouse is probably one of the most important things to you, but that doesn't mean you can't also equally love your children or be invested in hobbies or other things that make you you. Don't give up your dreams for anyone. 

4. Another stereotype in sexist culture is that men are inherently super sexual and women are not. This comes from a "rape culture" mentality. All couples should find their own level of intimacy. There is no one-size-fits-all "right" way to show physical affection to someone who wants that affection, but it IS extremely wrong for someone to expect another person to accept their physical affection when that person does not desire it. In extreme cases it's called rape, and it happens to a huge population of the world's women. 

Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse. Sex should only happen with complete mutual consent between both parties. 

Women feel an undue pressure to give in to men in their lives because they have historically been expected to do so, but it is emotionally damaging to be taken advantage of or do something sexual that you don't want to do. Accepting a physical advance that is unwanted is demoralizing. No one should ever pressure anyone to have sex. All couples will have a different level or preference for intimacy and should respect each others feelings, and honor their partners by not doing things that make the other partner uncomfortable. Sex is also not the only way to "bond". 

5. Women are constantly portrayed as passive aggressive. This issue may stem from the lack of power women have historically felt and still do.

Don't waste your time thinking that you can't be direct. Women should feel able to stand up for themselves. When you constantly suppress a gender, that gender may have to find new ways to assert the power that the other gender already enjoys, but being passive aggressive is not an effective way to bring about change. Speak up ladies. Don't let any man (or woman!) make you feel less than by spreading sexism.