I've been distraught all month about our finances. When we moved from Utah we were not able to sell our condo in the current economy. We rent it out, but make very little profit a month on it. This year we have lost considerable amounts on it as the water heater, furnace, complete plumbing and a lot of other things had to be replaced. It seems like there is a new problem in the condo every month which put us into the red. I know these are first world problems. I know there are millions of people in the world with MUCH less than I have, and in way worse situations and everyday I look around a feel lucky for what I have, our house, our kids, their school, our friends, but financial instability makes me feel like all of that is on ice. I become incredibly tense. 

As Christmas time came closer I worried everyday. I want my kids to have a good Christmas. I know that toys don't matter and that we don't need anything else, but it made my heart ache to think about having a minuscule Christmas. In the end, I found a lot of great deals, used coupons, and just went a little into further debt on my credit card. Their Christmas is still fairly small, but it is definitely enough for it not to be noticed. I was pretty proud of my shopping skills.

At the beginning of 2014 I was able to enroll with the Affordable Care Act and get health insurance which I needed very much. I had a lot of tests right at the beginning of the year to try and find the root cause of many symptoms. During an MRI they found some anomalies on my spinal column. I asked the neurologist if seeing a chiropractor would be advisable and he said it would not hurt. I decided to try one. It was February. I walked in to a chiropractic place that another preschool mom had told me she went to. They ran my insurance and since it was a Blue Cross Blue Shield plan they said they were in network, and since I had already hit my deductible for the year, having had so many tests in January, my insurance would completely cover all my visits. With that the chiropractor and I went for a fairly aggressive treatment of chronic pain. I was seeing her three times a week. A little over a month in to seeing her the receptionist said there might be a problem with my insurance. I was one of their first customers on Obamacare and it turned out that plans purchased through the marketplace were not in network for them. They apologized and said they were trying to get in network. A few weeks after that, the super sweet receptionist pulled me aside and told me that the insurance would not pay, that they were not going to be able to get in network and handed me a bill of hundreds of dollars that I had racked up in treatment in a very short time. I did not have the money to pay it. I was embarrassed and worried and cried the whole way home. There wasn't much I could do about it and hung over my head for months. They only called a few times. I wouldn't answer. They would leave kind messages reminding me of my balance of which they had already given me the in network and family pricing. I was angry, because it wasn't my fault, but I wasn't angry at them, because it was not their fault either. I have had multiple problems similar to this as Obamacare rolled out with it's bumps and glitches and no one quite knew how to address it. Certain doctors would not see me at all. Overall though, I was so incredibly grateful to have healthcare, even just for my prescriptions, which would be hundreds of dollars for me every month without insurance. Nick and I discussed what we could do, and he decided that he wanted to go talk to them, but couldn't find time until the semester ended, which was last week.

Tonight is Christmas Eve and I introduced Nick to It's a Wonderful Life for the first time. Even though it is cheesy and seriously dated and overly dramatic we were both pretending we weren't crying by the end. In that movie George Bailey finds himself at his lowest point as his financial troubles mount. In the end, the town, full of friends and family help pay Bailey's debt. 

I literally finished watching this an hour ago. Nick just went to the mail box and then handed me a card. It was pretty generic looking. I read the names quickly at the bottom on didn't recognize them, then I read the text. 

This balance that has been hanging over my head has been lifted. In addition to this we were gifted some cash from a relative that covered all the boys Christmas expenses. These things that have been weighing on me are gone. I have been sitting here sobbing and I think I have realized that the greatest gift someone can give you is to take something away from you. Take away your pain, your sorrows, your debt, your sins, your guilt, whatever it is. The best thing in my life is my family. Nick takes away my burdens and worries and my children take away my sorrows and loneliness. I hope that I lighten their load as well. 

I have not felt the "spirit of Christmas" this year until right now. What a wonderful gift I have been given this Holiday. Although the money matters, the kindness matters far more and has genuinely touched my heart this week. Merry Christmas. May we all have or be guardian angels this Christmas.