I've been distraught all month about our finances. When we moved from Utah we were not able to sell our condo in the current economy. We rent it out, but make very little profit a month on it. This year we have lost considerable amounts on it as the water heater, furnace, complete plumbing and a lot of other things had to be replaced. It seems like there is a new problem in the condo every month which put us into the red. I know these are first world problems. I know there are millions of people in the world with MUCH less than I have, and in way worse situations and everyday I look around a feel lucky for what I have, our house, our kids, their school, our friends, but financial instability makes me feel like all of that is on ice. I become incredibly tense. 

As Christmas time came closer I worried everyday. I want my kids to have a good Christmas. I know that toys don't matter and that we don't need anything else, but it made my heart ache to think about having a minuscule Christmas. In the end, I found a lot of great deals, used coupons, and just went a little into further debt on my credit card. Their Christmas is still fairly small, but it is definitely enough for it not to be noticed. I was pretty proud of my shopping skills.

At the beginning of 2014 I was able to enroll with the Affordable Care Act and get health insurance which I needed very much. I had a lot of tests right at the beginning of the year to try and find the root cause of many symptoms. During an MRI they found some anomalies on my spinal column. I asked the neurologist if seeing a chiropractor would be advisable and he said it would not hurt. I decided to try one. It was February. I walked in to a chiropractic place that another preschool mom had told me she went to. They ran my insurance and since it was a Blue Cross Blue Shield plan they said they were in network, and since I had already hit my deductible for the year, having had so many tests in January, my insurance would completely cover all my visits. With that the chiropractor and I went for a fairly aggressive treatment of chronic pain. I was seeing her three times a week. A little over a month in to seeing her the receptionist said there might be a problem with my insurance. I was one of their first customers on Obamacare and it turned out that plans purchased through the marketplace were not in network for them. They apologized and said they were trying to get in network. A few weeks after that, the super sweet receptionist pulled me aside and told me that the insurance would not pay, that they were not going to be able to get in network and handed me a bill of hundreds of dollars that I had racked up in treatment in a very short time. I did not have the money to pay it. I was embarrassed and worried and cried the whole way home. There wasn't much I could do about it and hung over my head for months. They only called a few times. I wouldn't answer. They would leave kind messages reminding me of my balance of which they had already given me the in network and family pricing. I was angry, because it wasn't my fault, but I wasn't angry at them, because it was not their fault either. I have had multiple problems similar to this as Obamacare rolled out with it's bumps and glitches and no one quite knew how to address it. Certain doctors would not see me at all. Overall though, I was so incredibly grateful to have healthcare, even just for my prescriptions, which would be hundreds of dollars for me every month without insurance. Nick and I discussed what we could do, and he decided that he wanted to go talk to them, but couldn't find time until the semester ended, which was last week.

Tonight is Christmas Eve and I introduced Nick to It's a Wonderful Life for the first time. Even though it is cheesy and seriously dated and overly dramatic we were both pretending we weren't crying by the end. In that movie George Bailey finds himself at his lowest point as his financial troubles mount. In the end, the town, full of friends and family help pay Bailey's debt. 

I literally finished watching this an hour ago. Nick just went to the mail box and then handed me a card. It was pretty generic looking. I read the names quickly at the bottom on didn't recognize them, then I read the text. 

This balance that has been hanging over my head has been lifted. In addition to this we were gifted some cash from a relative that covered all the boys Christmas expenses. These things that have been weighing on me are gone. I have been sitting here sobbing and I think I have realized that the greatest gift someone can give you is to take something away from you. Take away your pain, your sorrows, your debt, your sins, your guilt, whatever it is. The best thing in my life is my family. Nick takes away my burdens and worries and my children take away my sorrows and loneliness. I hope that I lighten their load as well. 

I have not felt the "spirit of Christmas" this year until right now. What a wonderful gift I have been given this Holiday. Although the money matters, the kindness matters far more and has genuinely touched my heart this week. Merry Christmas. May we all have or be guardian angels this Christmas. 

Atlas's full Kindergarten Christmas Performance - wishing G'ma's and G'pa's could have been there!

Quit Telling Women How to Act Towards Men

This article is getting passed around Facebook and pissing me off. It's just one of MANY  ignorant opinion pieces that are floating around out there, bouncing off the inter webs and being shared to the masses. I decided to address this particular article because it's subtleties are super damaging and far spread in the culture I grew up in. I am going to help this Katelyn Carmen person out and rewrite her post for her.

5 Things You Might Subconsciously Believe or Be Taught As a Women In A Patriarchal Society That Are BS: You might be surprised to figure out that you actually subscribe to some super sexist drivel!

If people want to be together so much that they get married then they are making a commitment to take care of each other and understand each other. A part of the well being of your family is effected by your choices and actions regardless of your gender. 

Women, you live in a patriarchal society and have systemically been thought of as less than. Don't let people tell you that as a women you have to do this or that, or that there is a certain and right way to "be a lady."

Here are just a few ways that you might unknowingly be sexist and destroying female advancement.

1. If an old lady says to you that "the best thing you can do as a wife is to live within your husband's means" she is automatically making the judgment that your husband is the bread winner and you know nothing about finances, which is a very antiquated view, thus coming from an antiquated human. 

If you don't show respect to anyone that may be giving you financial assistance, you are a jerk.

In our society we like to portray women as constantly being consumers, probably because a good deal of consumer goods are marketed towards women. In the year 2014 men are no longer expected to be the breadwinners, and wives are not to be portrayed as someone who stays home and goes hog wild because she doesn't understand finances and budgets.

Girls love purses! Just kidding, that is also a sexist stereotype. Thinking that the way to honor someone is to deny yourself what you need, and living by a budget determined only by a man is a slippery slope, systemically bringing women in to a submissive role. Both partners in a marriage relationship need a firm grasp of the realities of their income. If one partner is hogging the money by buying items that you, as a couple, cannot afford OR has complete control of the finances, abuse of power may be happening. If one partner makes significantly less than the other it doesn't mean that that person no longer has a say in household spending. Also, if both partners are working but the wife makes significantly less than the husband, maybe we should address the wage gap. 

2. Women are constantly stereotyped as loud mouth complainers. Women who challenge men are often thought of a bossy or bitchy. These labels are rarely given to men. Uneven judgement has historically been placed between the sexes when they speak up or stand up for themselves. Women have been encouraged to stay quiet, to stay within societal bounds and not overstep the current power status quo. 

Can you imagine implying that women somehow are innately huge complainers, and the poor men in their lives just have to deal with nagging wives all the time? No, because that's super sexist, and dumb. 

If your partner is legitimately angry about something, you should listen to them and try to understand their point of view no matter what gender you are. On the other hand, being petty is not cool no matter what gender you are.

3. If your husband feels threatened by you having talents or other people in your life he has a jealousy issue and he needs to change.

No one in your life should expect your life to revolve around theirs. 

It's counter-intuitive and counterproductive to make someone feel like they have to give up the things they love in order to be in a relationship. Partners should encourage each other to develop talents and achieve goals. 

If you are married, then your spouse is probably one of the most important things to you, but that doesn't mean you can't also equally love your children or be invested in hobbies or other things that make you you. Don't give up your dreams for anyone. 

4. Another stereotype in sexist culture is that men are inherently super sexual and women are not. This comes from a "rape culture" mentality. All couples should find their own level of intimacy. There is no one-size-fits-all "right" way to show physical affection to someone who wants that affection, but it IS extremely wrong for someone to expect another person to accept their physical affection when that person does not desire it. In extreme cases it's called rape, and it happens to a huge population of the world's women. 

Sex should not be used as a tool to control your spouse. Sex should only happen with complete mutual consent between both parties. 

Women feel an undue pressure to give in to men in their lives because they have historically been expected to do so, but it is emotionally damaging to be taken advantage of or do something sexual that you don't want to do. Accepting a physical advance that is unwanted is demoralizing. No one should ever pressure anyone to have sex. All couples will have a different level or preference for intimacy and should respect each others feelings, and honor their partners by not doing things that make the other partner uncomfortable. Sex is also not the only way to "bond". 

5. Women are constantly portrayed as passive aggressive. This issue may stem from the lack of power women have historically felt and still do.

Don't waste your time thinking that you can't be direct. Women should feel able to stand up for themselves. When you constantly suppress a gender, that gender may have to find new ways to assert the power that the other gender already enjoys, but being passive aggressive is not an effective way to bring about change. Speak up ladies. Don't let any man (or woman!) make you feel less than by spreading sexism. 

We had a fantastic Thanksgiving! We made roasted veggies, stuffing, savory sweet potatoes with asiago, green beans in a shallot cream sauce, cranberry orange sauce, parmesan mashed potatoes, and I can't even remember what else. I also made a caramel apple and a blueberry pie. It was delicious. Friends brought homemade rolls, honey ricotta dip, sparkling cider and salad. I think it's safe to say nobody missed the turkey, we were all fat and satisfied. Our friends Ryan and Addy were in town and didn't mind eating nothing but leftovers for the rest of the weekend. We also had Tanya, Corena, and Angie from Nick's program over for dinner. It was really nice and one of my favorite Thanksgivings.

Ryan and Addy are so fantastic and always willing to put effort into our friendship. I'm so grateful for them and every time I see them I go through withdrawal for about a week. We only see each other about once a year, but they'll always be some of our very best friends, wether we see them or not. They are awesome and so sweet to the boys. Atlas asked if they could stay and be his second set of parents.

We are sticking around town for the Holidays for the first time. Nick has an extra class to teach and we have no traveling money. Usually our December is absolutely insane with multiple things scheduled every day when we are in Utah. I am going to miss family and friends (Debbie!!!!), but I am actually really excited that our December calendar is essentially empty. We have been very busy this semester and it will be nice to have a break so we can catch up on art and all the movies we want to watch. The four of us just love to cuddle up and hang out, and we plan on doing that as much as possible.

I need to upgrade my phone because I keep capturing really cute photos of the boys but they are all crappy quality. Oh well, even though they are blurry, you can still tell he's stinking cute.

I just realized that I repeated myself in the last blog post. That's how my brain works.

Since I haven't posted for...... ever, here is a small summary of the last few months. (The photos didn't really upload in order and I am too lazy to fix them so it's a bit scrambled.)

Atlas started kindergarten,

which is really boring for Cosby.

Nick is getting a book published.

Our fish got an upgraded home since Cosby smashed his bowl.

These two are best friends.

Cosby was Iron Man for Halloween and still wants to wear this suit every day.

Atlas was also Iron Man.

Cosby likes to do stuff like this,

and this.

It's impossible for them to get a picture where they are both being normal.

The city museum is great. (This was in August and Cosby looks so little!)

Megan and Michael came for a visit.

We dug a fire pit in our backyard.

Cosby is a primate.

Bixler always wants to sleep near him at nap time.

I still don't feel very good, but I guess that is normal now.

Cosby turned two!

I made him a cake that was a giant version of a snack that his favorite cartoon character eats. Cookie Cat!

Atlas is fantastically creative.

I helped tie dye the entire elementary's school shirts, then screen printed on them.

Atlas loves people to watch him play games. Cosby is a great fan club.

We had some picnics.

Cosby wears this hat as much as possible.

We got bikes!

I've started taking ballet again and am going to start modern next week.

We've been hanging out in St. Louis.

We said goodbye to our garden when it started getting cold.

Cosby loves to find red shirts, pull them off the hangers, bring them to me and say "super" until I tie it on him like a cape.

Then he makes us all super.

He likes to stay up way too late.

We are screen printing again!

We have 3 cartoons that we watch as a family every week (when there are new episodes): Steven Universe, Adventure Time, and Gravity Falls.

We went to a cool old car museum and Nick and my Dad made fun of me that this was my favorite.

Cosby got inside an arcade machine and I couldn't get him out, so he just hung out there for a while.

I made the worst pie. I don't really cook at all anymore so I am losing my touch.

Atlas had an art show with his school at a local radio station.

Their class went on a field trip to a pumpkin patch and Atlas got to ride the bus for the first time.

Nick's schedule has been better this semester and all his night classes have allowed him to be very involved with Atlas's elementary.

The class all wears their tie dye shirts on field trips. Then it's easy to know which ones are ours.

Atlas's class is pretty cute.

It was muddy.

My Garnett costume only got half way finished,

but Nick's Eggs costume turned out great.

We have so many leaves!

We went to the zoo twice in the last month.

My Dad came out again. (Last time was Cosby's birthday) Cosby was loving cuddling him.

And Nick and I got to go on a real dinner-and-a-movie date while my Dad hung out with the boys.