A friend of mine is pregnant with her second and I have been emailing her through my pregnancy. I told her about all the worries I had while I was pregnant about wondering if I would love the baby as much as I loved Atlas, or if I would love Atlas less because I was exhausted after the baby came. Even up until I went into labor I wondered if I had the capacity and patience to love two little boys. I worried that Atlas would struggle with the change as well. My friend emailed today to ask how all of that was going. I have been thinking about it a lot since baby #2 came, and I have surprised myself by what I have found over the course of the last week.

First off, Nick and I choose to space our kids out by 3+ years because I wanted Atlas to be a little older so that I could reason and explain things to him. We did our best to prepare him for his coming brother, which wasn't hard since pregnancy is incredibly long, and because he is just generally a really happy and kind kid. He loves people and was very excited to get a brother. That excitement hasn't worn off. I am super lucky to have such a good little helper. We haven't had any jealousy problems whatsoever.

Atlas is constantly amazed by Cosby. He loves to see how different they are size wise, he laughs every time Cosby sneezes and he always wants to be near him.

I think it's partly because I see so much love radiating from Atlas, and partly because having a little baby to compare Atlas to and remember that he was once like that as well, has made me realize just how awesome Atlas really is. Somehow having another child has made me love my first even more, which I honestly didn't think was possible. On the other hand, knowing that in a few short years Cosby will be as big as Atlas has made me cherish him in his newborn state even more.

I feel like my capacity to love has expanded, like I love all the members of my little family a little more than I ever even thought I could.  I was much less stressed coming home from the hospital this time around. I knew what to expect a little more and I wasn't recovering from major surgery, which made bonding with my baby much easier.

Don't get me wrong, I am exhausted and a little hormonal and crazy, but overall I feel a huge sense of peace and comfort being with my family. The feelings of being overwhelmed occasionally come, but not as often as the first time around. Atlas went to his first full day of preschool yesterday and I missed him so much I cried my eyes out and checked the clock every ten minutes to see if it was time for him to come home. Holding a baby is amazing, but there is something to be said about having a kid who entertains you. With Atlas around, being with just baby is much less lonely so it is easier to love the crap outta both of them.

I feel like my heart has grown 3 sizes :)

I could just stare at either one of them all day. I am super proud of them and think they are nearly perfect. Cosby gets cuter by the hour and they both look like little baby angels when they sleep. I feel incredibly blessed. Exhausted, and blessed. Having two kids is not a cakewalk, but loving them- that part is pretty easy.