Nick Update:

No, we have still not heard back from Florida. Everything is the same. He is frustrated cause his students don't attend class or do the readings. I tell him to flunk them all, but there are problems that arise when you flunk out a large chunk of your class. This semester's coursework seems a little better. At least to me. He has early morning classes and only one night class so he's around more, which means the kids want to play with him, which means he doesn't get a lot done. Nick is a total overachiever and needs to do everything perfectly and excessively, which is why he has been so successful academically thus far, but this semester he says he has only really been doing the bare minimum of what needs to be done, which is pretty much what all students do. I this field you can't really make it if your just another student though. I know he wishes he had a lot more time to write, rather than read theory and correct undergrad papers. It's hard to be in a PhD program with a wife and kids.

Kiddo Update:

Nothing very fun has really happened during February, and these pictures aren't in chronological order. It's been incredibly cold and very snowy. There was a week where the kids and I never once left the house. The entire city more or less shut down at the peak of it all. It has been sorta pretty, and it's interesting to see the ice accumulate. There have also been really beautiful sunrises and sunsets.

Cosby is still all about touching fingers. This is what happens when you don't drain the bathwater immediately after giving a baby a bath. He likes to throw everything in the bathroom in to the tub. You can see our dog food dishes in there.

His hair is coming in thicker and he had he first haircut a while back.

Atlas had a fun Valentine party at preschool. This is the loot he came home with.

Here's a couple pictures of Atlas being Atlas.

Last weekend it warmed up to fifty or so, so we got out of the house and went to the park.

But mostly we have just been hanging out in our basement. Cosby does his own thing or sits and watches, or falls asleep on the ground while Atlas and I work towards 100% content on Lego Marvel Super Heroes.

In late January Atlas's preschool had a field trip to the courthouse.

He got to be part of the jury.

This is his friend Nathan.

This is when he got to sit in the judges seat.

Here's Cosby being bored.

Here's Nick being boring.

Here's Atlas being bored.

One day when Nick was home with Cosby I took Atlas and his buddy Nathan to see The Lego Movie in 3D. We all really liked it.

Anytime I am on my bed, these two come sit right on top of me.

Cosby has learned the word "no" and with that word his personality has changed. He is starting to try to boss us all around. He wants to be in charge. And he has also found out that he LOVES to scream, all the time, happy or sad, preferably in during Sacrament meeting. I think he knows what he is doing and is quite possibly just evil.

The funnest thing for them lately is when something gets shipped to us and has styrofoam in it. They karate chop it in to teeny tiny bits.

Me Update:

Blerg…. Let's just start in September. In mid September I realized that I had enormous bruises all over my legs. I had no idea where they came from. I kept bruising like this for about a month. I also realized that my pants weren't fitting well, so I weighed myself and saw that I had lost quite a bit of weight. I went to see a Dr and she was very concerned about the weight loss because it can indicate a lot of different problems, and the bruising could indicate some kind of blood or autoimmune disorder. But as all Dr's usually do, she said that it might just be part of my depression/anxiety, but that we should do some testing to make sure. She also prescribed me some new depression meds. I didn't have insurance so I didn't go back to see her, and couldn't afford the $140 a month RX until I was able to enroll on the Affordable Care Act. As soon as we got home from our January trip to Utah I made another appointment to see her. In between these two appointments a number of very odd things happened to me. One evening the right half of my face went numb. Nick was in Florida or I would have taken myself to the ER, but I didn't really want to do that with two kids. I looked up stroke symptoms and saw that I didn't really have any of the others. Parts of my lips, chin, and back also frequently go numb. I started getting really confused, like I would get in the car to go to the church but end up at my Dr, or I had a Dr appointment and drove to my Pediatrician's. I couldn't focus on anything. I do basic accounting, just adding numbers, for my Dad for part time work and I would sit down to work and it's like my brain couldn't compute what I was suppose to do. My hands started shaking, just slightly, nonstop. I had chest pains, stomach pains, headaches, memory loss and fatigue, none of which are new to me, but they were increased. There were days I took 3-4 naps, and I have never been able to take naps. I just wanted to sleep nonstop. One time in November Nick even got home from work at around 5:00 and found both the boys in the backyard with no clothes on in the freezing weather with the back door wide open and I was passed out on the couch. This is SUPER uncharacteristic of me. I also realized I was nose diving into a severe depression. I had/have anxiety attacks that cripple me and reduce me to a blank blob that can't move off the bed. I also had been suicidal with a very few hallucinations. I felt like I was dying. The Dr wanted to run tests on me to make absolutely sure that there wasn't something causing all the physical pain, which was in turn damaging my mental health. Soooo, in the last few weeks I have had a billion (slight exaggeration) Dr appointments. I have seen my family Dr, a neurologist, a genetic counselor, and had three CT scans. Which meant I had to drink two of these nasty berry flavored glue, I mean Barrium. 

I have also had blood drawn three times and an IV placed. The neurologist said I seemed just fine, but wants to do an MRI just to check. My blood work revealed nothing other than a high deficiency in vitamin D. My CT scans showed that I have Pelvic Congestion Syndrome, basically faulty veins in my pelvic region, but they don't bother me too much, so we don't really need to do anything about that. It also showed that I have a few small nodules on my thyroid. I have already had a blood test for my thyroid that came back clean, so they don't think the nodules are harmful, but they are still sending me to get a ultrasound to check it out. So ya, I have an MRI, and ultrasound, a lot of Dr appointments and one neuro appointment coming up, but all signs are pointing to me just having some sort of psychological breakdown. I am going to be seeing a chiropractor to hopefully relieve chronic pain, and a therapist. If my Dr can't figure out my medication recipe I will see a psychiatrist. I also need to start exercising and doing other things to rid myself of stress. I am a stressed out person by definition. Some say I over-analyze, or I am too empathetic. I have had a therapist tell me that all I need to do it get a job away from the house, get out once in a while with Nick, stop reading the news, rid myself of all stressful people, and drink a glass of wine every night, or move to a state where I could get medical marijuana. Unfortunately none of those really work for me. So I am just going to continue on, and try to fight this, like always. It's exhausting, but it feels really good to know that I have been completely checked out physically so that I don't have to worry about that anymore. My depression/anxiety has taken many forms. I have seen lots to Dr's, psychologists, psychiatrists, and counselors. I have been diagnosed a million ways: social anxiety, major depressive, manic depressive, bipolar, tendencies towards OCD and most recently with generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. I thought I had hit rock bottom when we moved to RI. I spent about a full year exercising everyday, meeting with my therapist weekly, my psychiatrists monthly, doing breathing and relaxation exercises, and completing a book called the Anxiety Work Book. I thought I had it more or less figured out or controlled better at least, I guess I just didn't realize how low I could sink and what it would do to my body physically. Basically this update is just saying I am as normal as ever, and don't worry about the medical testing I have been going through, everything is fine.